The Chocolate Obsession
by Chocogrl
Summary: Nat needed his chocolate, and he needed it bad. God where is that stupid djinni? BARTIMAEUS, WHERE IS MY CHOCOLATE?
1. Summoning

**This is my first fanfic so please cut moi some slak! Reviewers will be sent imaginary cookies and chocolate by my djinni (yea I hav 1) and flames shall be used to make hot chocolate for me and my djinni (no I am not insane, just hyper from aaaallll that chocolate)….umm. yea…..Whatcha lookin at? **

**Disclaimer: I would luv to, but I don't own Bartimaeus and his awesome book. _runs away sobbing_ but I do get to order Beezle around! (perks up a bit)(Beezle is my djinni)(no, for the last time I am not insane!)**

**The Chocolate Obsession**

**Chapter 1: Summoning**

Ya see, I was floating around in the Other Place minding my own business, when I felt some mother fudging _(I am strictly against _

_using cuss words so I basically just change them into something much nicer and better.) _magician try to summon me (The Great

Bartimaeus of Uruk, Serpent of Silver Plumes…and other great and awesome names…, I'm _sure_ you've heard this before!) and order

me around to do his bidding and all that other annoying stuff. And as the magician finished the summonings, and the last fish-hook like

thing hooked into my essence, I felt myself being dragged down into the world that _you_ live in.

Sigh this was getting seriously annoying. Every time a little pipsqueak in an overly tight suit and smelled like a herb shop uncovered my

noble name, I was forced to do whatever they wanted me to do, or suffer extremely painful consequences. It sucked. It really did. Ya

know, come to think of it, I think the longest time I've ever been on "vacation" is……..4 years in your world. It's really short. Just so you

know.

Omg! I'm getting off track. Again. Sigh dang it I hate my life. Sort of. Not really. I mean after all, I _am_ Bartimaeus, Sakhr al-Jinni,

N'gorso the Mighty and many other names in thousands of different tongues; I have fought hundreds of battles and won them all! I have

destroyed great spirits far greater than you can imagine! Ramuthra fled and bowed down to my majesty! Tchue cowered in a crack in the

Earth! Heopo the Thunder Snake decided to eat his own tail then to face my wrath! Amseria the Strong quailed beneath my feat! I have

more power in my little pinky than Farquarl and Jabor put together!(No, I am _not_ lying or bragging) And now some measly human **dares **to uncover my noble name and face my wrath! Exacta, exacta.

Well while all these wonderful thoughts were going on in one part of my wonderfully smart head, the other part was thinking about wh

at shape to materialize in. (I can think, oh about, 4-5 different thoughts. Unlike you, all I can do is repeat my thoughts to you, in a way

that you _can_ understand them) so here it is: As I got pulled down faster and faster towards Earth (it's almost like the water going down a

drain to the sewers and twice as unpleasant…….and the sewers being Earth…so unclean!) I had to decide on a form to show up in, I

wasn't feeling all that scary, and I know its lame but, hey, I might get some reactions out of this. My other 2 boxy shaped-like thoughts

were full of other equally brilliant thoughts: box number 3 was busily keeping and ear out for mispronunciation and spelling errors, and

box number 4 was full of grief and anger of having to leave home **again** and at the magician for making me leave. (I wasn't sobbing. Just

so you know) I decided to go for some special effects and such, nothing to too dramatic.

Loud thunder boomed into the room, lightning bolts struck down and set a pale blue fire onto documents and papers setting them on

fire, sulfur filled the air giving it a deathly yellow tinge, the fire licked at the edges of the pentacles and crackled with the sound of breaking

bones, moans of hundreds of tortured souls sang through the air, as invisible feet pattered across the wooden floor. Then something

(me) (and I was rather mad if you can't tell) began to take shape in the middle of the circle, slowly began to take the form of a---------

**Me: Ooooooooh cliffie! I'm sooo evil! Mwhahahahahahahahahachokechoke darn my evil effect is gone. Dang it! Beezle, what do you think? (yea i know it's short, but it's my first fic, ok?)**

**Beezle: It's ok.**

**Me: evil stare**

**Beezle: ummm……it's wonderful….the greatest fanfic in centuries of fanfics, the wonder of the universe and the most greatest masterpiece of all time! How's that?**

**Me: Good.**

**Beezle: extra evil stare(hey, he's a dem- srry Bartimaeus…djinni, and can do more eviler faces than me k?)**

**Me: Ok, ok, that was perfect ok?**

**Beezle: Ok **

**Me:whispers Beezle, tell everyone to review**

**Beezle: She told me to tell you to review**

**Me: Hey their not supposed to know that it was me who said that!**

**Beezle: Hey it's written right there, everyone who read this knows.**

**Me: Oh right, where's my chocolate?**

**Beezle: You ate it**

**Me: Oh. Right.**

**Bartimaeus: Review my story or else**

**Me: Or else what?**

**Bartimaeus: burns Chocogrl to crisp**

**Me: oh right…..**

**Beezle: ummmm….review?**


	2. Of Nat and His Chocolate

**Me: Hey did ya'll like my 1st chappie?? I did and so did Beezle and Bartimaeus, right??**

**Beezle: ummmm…sure?**

**Bartie: uhhhh……**

**Me: See, they _all_ agree with me. Oh, guess what? I had coffee and chocolate this morning so I'll be twice as hyper!!!**

**B&B: groan**

**Me: I know isn't it awesome??? Make sure you review or I'll keep annoying these djinn!!!**

**Beezle: Yes please!!! Make sure you do, or she'll never stop!**

**Bartie: I agree. This is even more annoying than that girl who summoned me in the Bahamas and ordered me to sing the "The Naked Mole Rat" to her 50 million times. _Don't. Ask._**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Bartie and his stories, so quit bugging me!!! I do own Beezle tho. He's mine!!!**

**The Chocolate Obsession**

**Chapter 2: Of Nat and His Chocolate**

_Then something (me) (and I was rather mad if you can't tell) began to appear in the middle of the circle, slowly began to take _

_the form of a--------- _Chocolate Bunny.

"Bartimaeus I order you to bri--" the boy started to drool.

"Ummmm yeah…….so what, I feel like being a bunny today"

"_Chocolate_."

"Yeah….. I know that I'm a chocolate bunny. (actually, I was a **giant** chocolate bunny. Just so you know. There _is_ a difference.) Yes I

know that I'm made out of chocolate. What I don't know is why you're drooling at me, or why your room is covered in chocolate

wrappers"

I looked around "See, over there is a mound of Kisses; normal, caramel, truffle, select, hazelnut cream, almond and other ones that are

green and silver, mint?? And Kit-Kat's (yay my cat's name ) and Hershey's mini's, and white chocolate, Merci from France, and

Butterfingers, Snickers, Mars Bars, Reese's, and M&M's of all kinds, Mr. Good Bars, and Krackel, and Twix, Stix, Chocostix, Peanut

Butter Twists, and Gorture, After Eight, the little twig like European chocolate that's all over the floor, and Orange Grove, Organic

Chocolate made from only natural ingredients, several mounds of normal milk chocolate, and ooooooh Tim-Tam's!!!! Ptolemy _loved_

those!! And there's more!! Wow, how much chocolate have you eaten these days? Ummmm…lets see….more M&M's and Hershey's

and, eugh, is that dark chocolate???? That stuff is nasty, and it comes from someone who has never eaten chocolate before. Ptolemy told

me. Nat are you even listening to me? I don't just talk to hear my voice you know! Nat! Nathanial? Oh Holy Ra……" The boy was

_literally_ standing in a puddle of his own drool. Staring at _me_. I usually get that reaction from single men when I walk down the streets as

that virgin girl from Rome. " Nat, your drooling at me here. Uuuhh I don't want to have to clean that up! Nathanial!!!" I made my voice

very, very, very loud. So loud that it caused a mini earthquake in all of Europe. (oops) "NATHANIAL!!"

That got some reaction out of him. Finally!

"Huh, what??? Oh. Bartimaeus I charge you to bring me 10 kilos of the best chocolate the world has to offer. No, I don't care how you

get it, just get me some. You see, I've become rather fond of chocolate."

I looked around. "I noticed……. Why is your room covered in chocolate wrappers?"

"I already told you; I've become rather fond of chocolate."

"Hmmm….but have your ever heard of hygiene? You could at least employ and imp to clean you room. You are a magician, or have you

forgotten?"

Nat was getting impatient. "Just go!!"

My insides felt like a jelly right now. **Not** a pleasant feeling. I gave a great sigh, and spiraled out into the world.

Another job I had to do. And a rather simple one to! A horla could have done it, yet this _child_ summons me to do it. The same

Bartimaues who spoke with Solomon and Ptolemy and could knock down mountains with a single breath, and fly higher than any bird has

ever dared to have flown! I have whirl through the air on a wisp of a cloud, churn up great sand storms with my passing, make castles out

of pure diamond, and lead armies against legions of the dead. And this boy has summoned me to get him chocolate!!!!

The blue jay was getting really mad now. Oh yes I was! Suddenly the birdy stopped and almost crashed and burned into the asphalt

below. I righted myself, feeling giddy with glee. (Giddy with glee…hahaha srry)The kid never said when to return, or where I couldn't go,

did he? I could go anywhere that I wanted to and still be obeying my command wouldn't I?

Yay!! Now, where to go?? Egypt seemed nice, and so did Prague. Ummmm….Australia was a non-magician country, I could go there

and never have to worry about being in disguise. Ever!!! And China, and Germany, and Japan….and I could go fight a while in America

for the rebels if I felt like it! This was like almost being free!!!! _Almost_. Dang it…..oh well…at least I didn't have to scrub out any toilets

or anything. Hey, I fact this was great!!! I would be of sight seeing, while my evil, poor little master would be back here waiting for big,

mean Bartie to come back with his 10 kilos of chocolate, but he'll have to wait cause I'll be of exploring the world, and he has to wait for

me to come back, cause I'll be as far away from London as possible. Savvy? Yay!!! This rox!!! Off to Egypt!! See Ptolemy, I told you I

would be back.

**Me: Yay, 2nd chappie!! Isn't it wonderful?**

**Bartie: I believe I could fly!**

**Beezle: Spread my wings and touch the sky!**

**Bartie: I thought about it every night and day!**

**Beezle: Spread my wings and fly away!!**

**Bartie: I beleeeeive I could fl-**

**Me: (rather badly) Spread my wings and…..**

**B&B: My ears!!! Oh the torture!! Make her stop pleeeeaaase!!! **

**Me: I'm not that bad!!!!!!!!!**

**Bartie: Oh yes you are! Your even worse than Farquarl, and that's saying something really big right there!**

**Beezle: Mmmmm-hmmm!**

**Me: (in hysterics) Make sure you review!**

**Bartie: Review**

**Beezle: Review**

**Me: Where's my chocolate??**

**Bartie: I don't know, why should I know, I have no idea, I didn't eat it, nope, not at all…..**

**Beezle: uh-oh Bartimaeus if I were you, I'd run right now, she's getting mad.**

**Me: (steam coming out of da ears) BARTIE, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!(starts chasing Bartie)**

**Bartie: REEEEVVIIIEEEWWW!!!!!!!!!**

**Beezle: It's ok Chocogrl! I got you another bar! Stop chasing Bartimaeus and you can have it!! It's ok….calm down…. Make sure you peeps review ok!!**

**Me: Did someone say peeps??? Gimme!! **


	3. Egypt

**Me: Yay! 3rd chappie! Thax to all my reviewers especially Cheesey ****Goodness, who so far _was the only one to review! _But **

**it's only been 2 days since I put my story online, so I guess that's ok. But you still have to review! **

**Bartie: Ow, Chocogrl, you didn't need to hurt me that much for a bar of chocolate….**

**Beezle: I mean come on, a silver cup? I have to admit tho, she has good aim…**

**Bartie: Beginners luck….**

**Me: Nu-uh! I can so aim! Watch. (Throws dart at board. Dart hits Beezle on head)**

**Beezle: Ow…**

**Bartie: Chocogrl…Beezle was standing _behind _you! Seeeeee, you can't aim. I rest my case (closes a briefcase)**

**Me: So? Hey, where'd you get that case? What's in it?**

**Bartie: ummm…. Papers?**

**Me: Let me see!**

**Bartie: Ummmm…. (Chocogrl grabs case and opens it, hundreds of chocolate bars fall out)**

**Me: _Chocolate!_**

**Beezle: Bartimaeus….this isn't good….**

**Bartie: That was for _your birthday tomorrow_ you know! (hint hint)**

**Me: Can I eat these _one day_ early? (hint hint)**

**Beezle: Yeah…. here I'll give you my _present one day early_ too. (hint hint)**

**Me: Yay! We'll have my _birthday cake one day early_ also!(hint hint) Now we can get extra hyper!**

**B&B: groan……**

**Me: You'd better get the hints! And review!**

**B&B: Her birthday is tomorrow.**

**Me: Hey! You're not supposed to tell them! They have brains you know!**

**Bartie: Not all of them…**

**Me: Oh. Right. (jk)**

**The Chocolate Obsession**

**Chapter 3: Egypt**

_I would be of sight seeing, while my evil, poor little master would be back here waiting for big, mean Bartie to come back with _

_his 10 __kilos of chocolate, but he'll have to wait cause I'll be of exploring the world, and he has to wait for me to come back, _

_cause I'll be as far away from London as possible. Savvy? Yay! This rox! Off to Egypt! See Ptolemy, I told you I would be back. _

The blue jay turned into a fearsome hawk, and flew high above the London traffic. Too high for any human, imp, djinn, or marid to

see. Too high to be effected by the foul London weather, soaring free and high, feeling the wind ruffle against his handsome tawny-brown

feathers--- when

WHAM! The beautiful eagle bounced off something hard and metallic, and was suddenly rocketing faster and faster towards the ground

when it landed in a poof of feathers on a grazing cow. The cow got scared and ran off mooing its head off, causing the whole herd to

become scared, causing a stampede, which ran over me, adding to my injuries. (Both emotionally and physically.) Great. I

Bartimaeus of Uruk was being trampled by _cows_. This couldn't get anymore humiliating. Just when I was feeling at my best, a great big

airplane just had to get in my way, and---- Hey! Where did that airplane come from anyway? I looked up at the distant dot. Thanks to

my superior eyesight and my awesome eagle vision, I was able to see where that blasted airplane came from. Let's see….. Mandrake

Private Airl-- I hate that boy, did you know that? I hate him, I hate him, I hate him…. I hate him. I HATE HIM! Whoa the grounds

shaking! My bad. Now that that annoying little boy's private jet has decided to fly in my path so that I could go_ "find" _him 10 kilos of

the best chocolate, and run me over so that I would get squashed by stupid cows and look like some windswept brown pillow. I've

decided to make a detour in Brazil. Heard that they have great coffee. Ha! That'll teach him to make fun of the great Bartimaeus!

Now he'll have to wait even longer! Mwhahahahahaha ….. Let me make sure now spirit saw this…. Nope none over

there….or there…. Uh-oh….imp. Oh well nothing we can't take care of….or swallow. 2 minutes later I was back up in the air again,

feeling rather full, but happy. (This time I was flying higher up, I had no want to repeat that incident.) I had been flying for a while, when I

looked down and saw the Nile River glistening like a diamond in the sun. Whoa! I went a _little_ bit too far there… about 7000 miles or so

but, hey I wasn't complaining. I was finally back in Ptolemy's home, where he was born, and……when he died. Where he walked down

the streets in the spice market, and where he used to sit by the Nile. Where no djinn, imp, or magician walked down the street, and th---

Hold on…..where'd the pyramids go? And all these white people! Where'd the sun-kissed humans who used to work in the streets go?

There are cars! And is that an afrit? Ah. Better go somewhere else. I changed into Ptolemy near the spice market. He loved it here. _Sigh _

brings back good memories. And one bad one. One very bad one. I glanced around. Thing's have definitely changed. People crowded

on the streets obviously no longer hated magic. Everyone sported some type of imp or another. They were pretty low level, so I didn't

have to worry about a thing. Except about that afrit. I glanced around. No afrit in sight. I walked out of the market and walked in the

direction of a pyramid. It wasn't there anymore. I swear there was a pyramid here! The one that Nefertiti lived in. I walked towards

another one. Gone. And another. Also gone. And one more. Here there was a bunch of archeologists digging at the stone base of

Torenkanta's pyramid. (minor noble, not at all important) And at the back of a truck, wrapped in white plastic sheets were all of his

belongings. I gasped. They were tomb raiders. Ptolemy's tomb had better not be raided by those white men in those absurd hats. Or I'll

be mad. _Really_ mad. After all, I was the one who made tomb in the first place. With additional booby traps, and two rather nasty

pestilences and one probably very annoyed imp trapped in there, it should be safe. I walked into a deserted alleyway and changed into an

Egyptian Mau. (That's a type of cat. Just so you know.) The cat slunk though the sea of legs, towards the Nile where it turned into a fish

and went under. As a sparkling grey minnow, I flashed through the water. Avoiding hooks with worms dangling on them and boats with

fishing nets dragging behind them. Hundreds of other fish swam along with me. Hundreds more were being brought onto land, or being

eaten for lunch. I swam towards an underwater cave, and entered.

**Me: Nother cliffie! **

**Bartie: We can see that.**

**Beezle: Happy early birthday! (blows horn)**

**Bartie: Ptolemy's birthday would be 5 days from now. **

**Me: This is the 3rd chapter I've written in 2 days! I rok! Go me! It's my b-day! Or it is tomorrow anyway!**

**Bartie: Hmmm…..**

**Beezle: Hey Bartie. Are you going to eat that cake or not?**

**Bartie: Of course I am! It's the best cake ever!**

**Beezle: Chocogrl?**

**Me: (growls like an angry dog) grrrrrrrr…..no touchie my cakie!**

**Bartie: Calm down. Breath. Come on, breath.**

**Beezle: That girl needs therapy.  
Me: No, I just need people to review! (starts to sob) only one person has reviewed my story so far, and it's already been 2 whole days!**

**Bartie: Give the people some time, soon they'll start to realize how awesome my story is.**

**Beezle: Make sure you review ok?**

**Me: Yeah, review**

**Bartie: Review or I'll be forced to through pinecones at you! **

**Beezle: Detonation filled, so when it hits you, you'll blow up to little itsy bitsy pieces and die!**

**Me: See, all my djinn are on my side! I have the power! Bow down to me and review!**

**Beezle: Review!**

**Bartie: Review! **


	4. Ptolemy's Shrine

Me: Yay 4th chappie!

**Bartie: We can see that.**

**Beezle: You guys have to review!**

**Me: Oh guess what!?**

**Bartie: What**

**Me: Yesterday, went to a carnival, and I sucked a whole balloon of helium and my voice got all squeaky, and I went ice-skating and (I'm really good) we dragged a buncha not so good skaters around, and then since it was my birthday, we had cake, and got all hyper, and then we got to go to this _big_ restaurant and, and yeah**

**Beezle: Awesome. Bartie and me got to stay home**

**Me: Ha ha!!**

**Bartie: We got to watch movies and eat popcorn, and then we raided your fridge and ate all of the left over cake**

**Me: Hey!!!**

**Beezle: That's what you get for leaving us**

**Me: Oh. Ok. (Hahaha inside joke) but make sure that you people review, ok? It's been 3 entire days, and only Cheesey Goodness has reviewed. I'm getting somewhat depressed…..**

**Bartie: Hmmmm……**

**Me: (starts sobbing) I need people to review!!! Waaaaaaaaahhh!!**

**Beezle: It's ok! Calm down….gosh Bartimaeus, how come we have to be her babysitter in the first place??**

**Bartie: She summoned us remember?**

**Me: But I'm a nice master! I've never punished you for anything, and you can go wherever you want to, and you could strangle me, and I treat you like my best friend! That's niceness for you! **

**Bartie: What about that silver cup?**

**Beezle: Yeah, you threw it at him, and then well….yeah…**

**Me: ummm..besides that… (A.N. I'm typing this on my laptop while trying to eat a banana and looking after my brother who is watching Tom & Jerry. Srry if some of this doesn't make sense. I think it's hard trying to do 3 things at once don't you?)**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Bartie!!! But I do own my kitty, my food, my chocolate, Beezle, and all the other thing my mommy had to pay for me.**

**The Chocolate Obsession**

**Chapter 4: Ptolemy's Tomb**

_Hundreds of other fish swam along with me. Hundreds more were being brought onto land, or being eaten for lunch. I swam _

_towards an underwater cave, and entered. _

It took about 2 milliseconds for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, that's faster than it would have taken you, cause I'm a djinni, which

means that I'm better than you humans, and quite a lot of my fellow djinn. (**A.N.** thank the Lord for spell check, if I didn't have it, I'd like

be dying right now!)

I looked around. Other than some water erosion and a lot of dead fish, this place hasn't changed much. In fact, I don't think that it

changed at all in the last 2,698 years, 7 months, 19 days, 4 hours, 56 minutes and 8 seconds……9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18,

19, 20, 21, 22, 2----- you get my point. Now if I remember correctly, that imp should be just up ahead……

* * *

Imp P.o.v.

I have been stuck here for 2,698 years, 7 months, 19 days, 4 hours, 56 minutes and 8 seconds……9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,

18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 3--- this could go on for a while…….but hey, I got nothing better to do.

That stupid Bartimaeus charged me to guard this cave for as long as it took for him to get back, and so far he hasn't even poked his nasty

inflated head in here.

So for the last 2,698 years, 7 months, 19 days, 4 hours, 56 minutes and 8 seconds……9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20,

21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54,

56, 57, 58, 59, 60!! Oooooh look, new minute! Now its 2,698 years, 7 months, 19 days, 4 hours, 57 minutes, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8---

wait someone's coming!!

Ah feeding time! All I've had to "eat" lately was a few fish. It clogs up my essence. Lets see…….over there behind that rock should

do…..

* * *

Bartimaeus P.O.V.

Hey! Where'd that imp go?? I told it to specifically to guard this place until I ca—

What the Fudge?!?! Something attacked me from behind and dug sharp claws into my scaly back. I fired some low level detonations in

response.

For the next minute or so, the water boiled and flashed with green detonations, and then all activity stopped. I was panting slightly, (hey,

don't look at me like that! I know that it was an imp, but you try to shoot detonations out of some fins!!!) and a

burned/squashed/bruised/dying imp was floating to the floor. Well at least it did it's job good. Sorta. Not really. But I am Bartimaeus! I

could of done this kind of thing in my sleep!! I turned into a platypus, and poked the imp with a blue-brown bill.

It stirred. Then let out a groan. Then sat up rather slowly. It was still alive! Probably cause I knew that it was probably that imp that was

attacking me, and I soften my blows. (you don't believe me? Ok scroll up some and then it says right there: _Something attacked me _

_from behind and dug sharp claws into my scaly back. I fired some **low level detonations** in response._ See! I would **never** lie to

you.)

* * *

Imp P.O.V.

Right when some sort of minnow rounded the bend, I attacked. Digging my extremely sharp, black claws into the fish's fishy back. I

knew that this wasn't your normal fishy, cause the fishy was letting out a huge pinkish, purplish, bluish, greenish aura. It was really quite

big. Other than that, the minnow seemed quite normal. But, I knew that it wasn't cause of the aura, and two seconds later, I was being

blasted/squished/burned by some detonations and spasms and infernos, and some pretty weird shaped convultions. Next, the world went

black…..

* * *

Bartimaeus P.O.V

I poked the little imp some more. It stirred and groaned some more. Talk about being imaginative. All it's been doing for the past 4

minutes was groan. But then again, I guess she has been here for quite some time. I left the imp to her groaning, and looked around while

trying to remember her name. It was……Piperik, Laureason, Hidiyan, or some thing like that……. I can't remember. Oh well….the imp

was getting up anyway…hey look, she's floating now!!! And now she's glaring at me………..so much for the friendly welcome…..oh

well…might as well see if anyone has come in so far…

"Hey you imp!"

"The imp has a name you know!"

"Ummmm…..I kinda forgot you swing it passed my again?"

"Clarabeen."

"Oh"

"Well has anyone been passed here yet?"

"No. Just you. You look familiar….I got it! You're Bartimaeus! Set me free!"

"Sure…..just hang on one moment"

This imp really wasn't that bad! Not like the other ones who have the worst manners and stuff….I guess 2000 something years does that

to you. So I set Clarabeen free and then I continued down the path….really it wasn't a path, it was more like rocky, wet (well duh, it was

under water) craggy kind of twisting narrow pathway. But it does detour many people…and spirits……now the Pestilence came to

bubble around me. I felt a tingling pain feeling in me and then I dismissed the pestilence and the one after it cause I'm awesome like that

(actually, I programmed it to respond to my essence, but shhhh!) and then I went a little bit further and then BAM there you have it,

Ptolemy's Shrine!!! In it were his empty casket made out of solid gold (the casket is empty cause I couldn't find his body. Hey! It was

100 years before I could go back, so whatever happened I couldn't get it back. So stop looking at me like that! Believe me I tried!) with

ruby's on it and sapphires and emeralds and lots of diamonds and other precious stones.

Then there where some stuff that he liked to do during the time that he was alive. Like his books that I stole from a library, chess, and

other books. A rug that his aunt gave to him, and his mother's silver brooch. (it took a while getting it here. Trust me!) and his father's

cloths and sandals. There were some golden statues and monomials all made by me. I was the only one of the djinn left that served under

him and really appreciated him. There were also some of his favorite flowers preserved from time with a Seal. The walls were painted

with hieroglyphics with all the necessary words for proper travel to the after life. If there was any. I wouldn't know. Looked around and

then took a small pebble of the stone floor punched a hole through it and strung a piece of cord that was hanging of the wall, and put it

on. Just something to remember him by, no matter where I went. Then I left.

**Me: Yay!! That took me awhile to write. School is getting seriously annoying! **

**Bartie: Yep!**

**Me: Hey! You're not supposed to be happy about that!**

**Beezle: He's happy cause you spend less time at home and get less hyper cause you have to concentrate on homework.**

**Me: Thank the lord for spell check!! I like ttly miss spelled at least 30 words in this chappie!**

**Bartie: We noticed**

**Beezle: Hey you still need to finish your Math Team homework**

**Me: Dang it!! Oh well I'll do that after dinner.**

**Bartie: Hey, is there anymore cake?**

**Me: No I ate it all last night. You should now that! I was spazzing out last night cause of it!**

**Beezle: Really? I thought it was the chocolate. **

**Me: Ummmm…….and that….**

**Bartie: Make sure that you people review!!!**

**Beezle: Or I will throw detonation filled pinecones at you so you blow up into millions of itsy bitsy pieces!! **

**Me: See all the djinn are on my side bow down to me and review!!!!**

**Bartie: Review!!!**

**Beezle: Review!!**

**Me: Hey does that seem familiar to you? I swear I've heard it somewhere before…..**


	5. Of Bartie and His Coffee

**Me: Yay!!! 5th chappie!!!!**

**Bartie: Yep**

**Beezle: Yeah…..now a lot more people are reviewing!!!! Like around 4 people with 6 reviews**

**Me: Nu-uh!!! 5 people and 8 reviews!!!**

**Bartie: You don't count yourself**

**Me: Oh. Right.**

**Beezle: You reviewed yourself???**

**Me: Yeah….So?**

**B&B: Nothing, nothing, nothing….**

**Beezle: Hey who was that girl that came over yesterday?**

**Me: Jinn……don't you think that's an awesome name?? I mean it's almost like djinn, and is pronounced the same way!!**

**Bartie: Hmmmm…..**

**Me: Look I got my ears pierced!**

**Beezle: Cool**

**Bartie: Did you cry?**

**Me: Of course not!**

**Bartie: Ya sure?**

**Beezle: 100**

**Me: Yes!! Gosh you guys can get annoying!!! Anyway, make sure that you guys review ok???**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bartie, or Hershey's or, or, or………ummmm...Ptolemy. But I do own Beezle, my cat, me, my room, my lamp, my pictures, and some of my friends and such……yes I realize that the format of my chappies are weird, but somethings wrong with my computer….. any suggestions? **

The Chocolate Obsession

Chapter 5: Of Brazil and Major Coffee Hangovers

I left Egypt in the form of a Griffin….yeah, I know that probably wasn't the greatest idea….I bet I sent about 1234 people to the House

of Weirdly Insane Maniacs, but hey I was an almost free djinni!!! Life was mine to grab! There's an open window for me everywhere! All

of them are open except for the window to the Other Place, but that's ok!!!! I love my life right now.

Let's see……20 more miles, and I'll be in Brazil…………………………………………...

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………..and now we're there! Yay!!! We go to coffee house

first, then we go to chocolate company…..(ugg jk) as the griffin changed to a pigeon, several more people were sent to Insane Houses.

Then the gray-white beautifully hott (or as hott as a pigeon can get) birdy went spiraling down to the nearest coffee house, and changed yet

again! This time into a dark haired 16 year old. Or in German, this time into a dark haired zex-sain jara alt. (my stupid author can't say;

this time into a dark haired in German…..stupid annoying writing company!!! Can you believe that they trusted an overly-hyper spazzy 13

year old to write my wonderfully brilliant story?!? I know it's unbelievable! The very thought of it drives me insane!!)

The boy went into the shop and inhaled deeply. I grinned coffee smells good…..(**A.N. **I realize the fact that djinn can't eat people food,

but in my story they can cause I can.) I went up to the store person dude, who as a really weird gothic looking emo, was obviously

working there……..

"Hey weird looking gothic emo girl!" I said (well duh!! Who else would say that? I mean that emo girl wouldn't insult herself!...would

she??) "Would please get me some Coffee………toffee kind please!"

The Weird looking Gothic Girl looked at me all weird which I thought was rich coming from her cause she's the on that's weird, not me.

"Look kid, whadoya think I'm running here? A Coffee House?? Now get out of here before I get da manager!"

"Ummmmm……." I looked at the sign again: Coffee Tavern; Brazil's Best Coffee "This _is_ the coffee house lady"

"Oh…..I always get this place confused with my other job at the brewery….So Kid, whadoya want?"

"One cup of Toffee Coffee please!!!"

Then the lady gave me a cup with fresh coffee in like 17 minutes! Gosh that's slow…..I bet these people don't even own an imp!! Oh

wait……..coffee gooooooood!!!!!

* * *

Freaky Goth Emo Girl P.O.V

That weird boy, drank his coffee in like 34 seconds, and came back for more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and

more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more,

and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and

more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more,

and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and

more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and then we ran out of coffee, so the kid just sat there spazzing out……..for

example: Tipping over chairs, singing really badly on tables, tackling random customers, yodeling outside our store, then coming back for

more coffee, and some more, and more, and more, and more, then we ran out again, and yeah………the list goes on, and on , and on,

and on, and on, and on…….

* * *

Bartie P.O.V

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

coffee, coffee, tackle people!! coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, tackle, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, tackle people!! coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, tackle, coffee,

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, and then being clobbered on the

head with a shoe, and then I don't remember……………….

**Me: Yay!!! Done! Wow my hands hurt!!**

**Bartie: wow…….I must of drunk a lot of coffee……….**

**Beezle: Naw, ya think?**

**Me: I'm tired**

**Bartie: Then go to sleep**

**Me: ……………………..no**

**Bartie: Have you done your homework?**

**Beezle: No she still has to do Math Team…..**

**Me: I hate school…….. 8th grade is sooooooooooo hard! Waaaaaaaay to much homework!!!**

**Bartie: Hahahahahhahahahhahahahhaha!!! I laugh at you!**

**Me: (pouts and then hits Bartie on the head) there……that's better….**

**Beezle: What was that for??**

**Bartie: ow……**

**Me: o**

**Bartie: ow…………**

**Beezle: ummm……I'm gonna stay outta this…..**

**Bartie: I HATE YOU!!!!!**

**Me: eeeeeeeeeeeeeepp!!**

**Beezle: ummm…….yeah………make sure you people review ok?**

**Bartie: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, THEN I'M GOING TO DIG YOU UP AND KILL YOU AGAIN! THEN I'M GOING TO CLONE YOU AND KILL ALL OF YOUR CLONES! THEN I'M GOING TO BURY YOU IN THE RIVER SO THAT THE POLICE CAN'T FIND YOU AND GET MAD AT ME, CAUSE THEY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FIND YOU, CAUSE I WOULD OF GONE TO THE OTHER PLACE, CAUSE YOUR DEAD, AND I DON'T HAVE TO STAY HERE ANY LONGER!!!**

**Me: Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeww!!**

**Bartie: Make sure that you review! (starts chasing Chocogrl again) I'M GOING TO HURT YOU SOOOOOOOOOO BAD!! THAT'S THE SECOND TIME YOU HIT ME WITH THAT SHOE!!! **

**Me: I'M SORRY!!! It was just a shoe!!!**

**Beezle: A _silver _shoe! Where'd you get it anyway?**

**Me: I dunno…..(looks over shoulder) AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!**

**Bartie: DIE YOU MORTAL!!**


	6. Nat's Troubles

**Me: Yay!!! Nother chappie!! Srry I haven't written something for soooo long, and this will probably be a short chappie, but I promise that once I figure out my problems with my computer and with my other story (it will be coming up soon!!! It's called E-mail Me!) (yay!!) I will write more I promise!! I got a lot more reviews so Bartie, Beezle, and me are happy!!! Yay!!!**

**Bartie: Pistachios are gooood!!!**

**Beezle: Bartimaeus…….is this like your 3rd bag or something???**

**Bartie: no…….8th……….hey!! don't give me that look! They're good!! Hey you try!**

**Beezle: _chew….chew…chew…swallow.._mmmmmm…..these are good!! Here gimme some more!! **

**Bartie: no!! get your own box!!!! **

**Me: ummm…….we ran out……..Beezle….here's 20 bucks……go to Sam's and buy some for you….if you want more than that, than you're going to have to figure something out cause I'm broke….**

**Beezle: Yay!!!**

**Disclaimer: …………………….I'm sure you already know what I'm going to say…..**

**The Chocolate Obsession**

**Chapter 6: Nat's Troubles**

Gosh………where is Bartimaeus……I need my chocolate…..you'd think that a 5000 year old djinni would have no problems what so ever in trying to find the worlds best chocolate…..now I have to summon Farqual…………. Now what's that pentacle shape again?? Oh yeah……shoot…..now I have to start over……curse that stupid djinni…..can't ever get anything right _and_ has and attitude….gosh….I hate this…..

In the pentacle, smoke curled and lightning lit up the room, a bad smell of rotting eggs filled the room…and blah, blah, blah, blah…..Bartimaeus was right….Farquarl really did have bad style. _Sigh_. Now finally, and pig-eyed fat, grumpy chef holding a huge machete was looking at me in a madful way.

"I presume that you are Farqual of Sparta, correct?"

"Yes, you stupid mortal…….OW!! What I do???"

"Mind your manners demon. Next time I won't just use the Stipples."

I sighed. This was getting really annoying…. first the Resistance decided that after 7 years that they would start again, Jane dumped me, the Prime Minister has decided that I could _really_ handle some more work and put me in charge of Jane's department, which is why she dumped me in the first place…. Now my djinni is having trouble finding _chocolate_ and I have to summon this demon to solve the problem that started this problem by the Resistance and the chocolate…..I guess that I use chocolate the same way that some people use cigar's to feel better, and I can't go to the store again and get more chocolate, cause a man of my position could **never** be seen in a grocery store. So, I have to send this demon to Publix to get me some chocolate, so that somebody with I Resilience doesn't freak out and stuff…..that's the last thing I need.

"Demon, I charge you to go to Publix and bring me a lot of **good **chocolate."

"Hold on puny human….You want **me **Farquarl of Sparta, who have spilled thousands of gallons of blood over my long and wonderful history! And has fought in every notable war occurring to man, and has given the idea to Torsions of the giant horse! I can fly on a tiny snowflake and has been to every city in the world! And you want me to go shopping for _chocolate_?" The chef was going purple. Actually quite an amusing sight.

"Yes I want you to go 'shopping', and you better get it fast. You're dismissed."

The demon went. Good. At least this one doesn't have an excuse to take forever. Now I need to catch up on my paper work….

**Me: Yay!! Done! Now all I have to do is get some more chocolate. My mommy bought 2 big ½ pound bars! Yay!!! Major hyper hangover!!!**

**Bartie: Great. Now we have to deal with a major hyper, immature little kid.**

**Me: hey! I'm not little you know. I am 14**

**Beezle: does it make a difference? Your extremely young by our standards**

**Bartie: Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, young. In fact by our standards, your barley even old enough to cry yet. **

**Me: yeah by your standards…._(A.N. yeah….it took me awhile to do the very's. It makes my head hurt just to look at it, but I think it's cool!)_By_ my _standard's, all I have to do is wait 2 more years until I can get my car!! I wanna get a blue buggie, and the license plate says 'Bubbles' don't anybody steal it!! Or I wanna get a red convertible buggie, and the plate says 'Burning' or 'Blazing' don't anybody take those either!!**

**B&B: Uh-huh…..gosh you're weird!**

**Me: Not weird. Just different.**

**Bartie: Very different, if anything goes….**

**Me: Hey!!**

**Beezle: Make sure you review, ok?**

**Bartie: REVIEW!!!**

**Me: Yeah! listen to the wise words of the really old spirits!!**

**B&B: We are NOT old!**

**Me: By my standards you're ancient!! Hah!! In your face!**

**B&B: grrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………………..**

**Me: Make sure you review ok?? I think these djinn are about to kill me…….uh-oh…..'k I'd better run, but make sure you review!! Hah!! Look another chocolate bar!! Where'd that come from??**


	7. Still in Brazil, dang

**Me: yay!! 7th chappie!! You guys, I made a new story it's called Wife Swap, and the outline is almost like the actual tv show, except with Bartie, Queezle, Kitty, and Nat as the contestants. Please read it if you have time!! I would love you sooo much if you would!! And make sure that you review also k?**

**Bartie: I think that they already know that**

**Beezle: some people might not you know. They could be new at this thing, or they can just not want to review (booo to these ppl!) or they could have really fast memory loss, or they could be stupid**

**Me: yeah Bartie! Ever thought of that?**

**Bartie: no**

**Me: see!! So make sure that you read and review, and that you read Wife Swap!!**

**Disclaimer: This is getting old!!!**

**The Chocolate Obsession**

**Chapter 7: Still in Brazil…dang….**

Bartie woke up in a hospital room with a bunch of nurses huddling around him. Wait……WTF?? What was he doing here?? Ok….brain, work with me…lets see. I went to go get some coffee, and some more….ok, maybe a lot more…..a whole lot more……oh well…..hmmm…….umm……yeah. So I'm guessing that I blacked out from all that caffeine. Now all I need to do is get out of here. He opened his eyes again. Yep. He was in a hospital. Bartie shivered. The last time he had been in a hospital was not a very nice experience. Not good at all.

He opened his eyes all the way and groaned in the way he thought that a weak human boy would. A burning white light was shining right above his head. The nurses started to talk really fast in some Brazilian language, but as a 5,000 year old djinni, Bartimaeus of Uruk understood.

"Oh My Gosh!! This little boy is sooooo cute!!"

"No, not cute. Hott."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. This boy is ugly. And he still owes that Coffee House about $800 worth of coffee. I know that I wouldn't want him in my house."

"Who cares about that? It's not like as though we're going to date him or anything. He's like sooo much younger than us. He's just like major sweet eye-candy to us. Really sweet. Like cotton candy, or maple syrup or those really goodly made hot chocolate."

"Yep. I defiantly agree with her. He is hott!"

At this point, Bartie was almost throwing up. A bunch of _humans_ thought that he was hott. Not that they were wrong or anything, it was just wrong. He agreed with them about the hotness, but the liking was going a bit too far. Time to get out. But before he could get up and running, he spotted that weird looking Emo girl sitting next to his bed looking really mad and upset. She also had a large bag full of ya know………………..drugs……… not a very good sign…………..well….yeah………considering that the little incident that I had back at the coffee shop, I probably got her fired………..

I sat up.

"Hey you……the weird looking Emo girl with the bag!" the girl looked at me all weird……oh yeah…..this was Brazil….they speak Brazilian, not English……..so now in Brazil language "Hey you……the weird looking Emo girl with the bag!!"

The girl glared at me "I'm **not** a girl"

"Oh…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..crap………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..are you sure???????????"

The 'boy' glared at me again………I swear this kid had no manners "Don't you think that I know what gender I am?"

"Oh………….but you don't look like a boy……………" Now I was getting hopelessly confused

The 'boy' got up and started to stomp up to where I was sitting. Ah….time to go. I got up and ran past the 'boy' (I still think that he is a she) and blasted the window open, turned into a hawk and flew away. All with lightning speed so that the 'guy' didn't see a thing except for a broken window and a dark brown speck by the horizon.

**Me: Ok before you kill me or hurt me or torture me in any kind of way, let me explain why I haven't updated for so long**

**1)Homework**

**2)School**

**3)Homework**

**4)Math Team Tournaments**

**5)Homework**

**6)I was asleep**

**7)Homework**

**8)CHRISTMAS!!!!!!**

**9)Homework**

**So as you can see, I've been really busy (sorry it was soooooo short...i promise i will update soon)**

**Bartie: Yeah, but not busy enough to sleep all the way to high noon, and stuff yourself with turkey and dressing and whatever you humans eat**

**Beezle: I think that's good enough. I had a master who once never wrote ever at all……..**

**M&B: _gasp!!!!!_**

**Beezle: yeah…..it was really sad…………**

**Me: well yeah………………make sure that you review and read my other story!!!**

**Bartie: You have to update that one to**

**Me: right………………………………………………..**

**Beezle: Review!**

**Bartie: Review!**

**Me: Review!**

**B&B&M: Have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR and a VERRY HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!**


	8. France

**Me: Yay!! Nother chappie!! **

**Bartie: yay………**

**Beezle: I want strawberry pudding**

**Me: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………………… that was random………………**

**Beezle: no seriously? Can't a djinni want some food every once in a while??**

**Bartie: nope**

**Beezle: oh**

**Me: you guys are weird!**

**Bartie: look whose talking! Ya know if I was you, which thank goodness I'm not, I would put duct tape on my mouth and shut up forever**

**Me: well…….first you have to get some duct tape!!**

**Beezle: what was that?**

**Me: a diss**

**Bartie: that was a diss?? This is a diss, Your friends are so retarded that they are the biggest mistake that God ever made!**

**Me: well at least I have friends!**

**Bartie: You're so stupid that you stared at an orange juice carton for 3 hours cause it said concentrate!**

**Me: well at least I can concentrate!**

**Beezle: you have the worst comebacks in the world**

**Me: …………………………………are you talking to me?? I want my chocolate!**

**Disclaimer: You know what I'm going to type………………….**

**The Chocolate Obsession**

**Chapter 8: France**

France! The shopping center of the world! This is where I will get my 'Masters' chocolate, keep it and then see the rest of the world while making sure that the chocolate doesn't melt and I don't lose it!! Yay me!! Another ingenious plan made by moi!

I was Ptolemy again, but I wasn't in a toga because someone might mistake me to be a pizza parlor guys……………..it has happened before……. Don't. Ask. Nope, I was a-wearing jeans and white shirt with a leather jacket and was riding a mopped. The mopped came from Germany…detour for sausages. Yum.

I went into a chocolate shop and greeted the lady at the counter. "Excuse me, but I was wondering what you would recommend for the best chocolate in the world."

"Ummmm……zer iz our Le Éclair von de Chocolate wheech iz ze finezt chocolate zat ve make and zis iz ze bezt chocolate in ze world!"

"Uh…..come again?"

"Le Éclair von de Chocolate wheech iz ze finezt chocolate zat ve make and zis iz ze bezt chocolate in ze world!"

"Oh ok, I'll have 5 pounds please."

"I'm sorry Misour, but ve do not mesure in poundz, only kilos….iz zat ok with you"

"Yeah sure." Dang it….I forgot that Nat had asked for it in kilos not pounds…….oh well! The lady gave me five pounds of the chocolate and I left the store and walked to my moped when I saw that it was-

"Gone?"

"Yep and it was stolen by this weird looking Emo girl with a bag full an dope. Huh, beats me where it went. Good luck finding it."

I stared after the police man with an amazing original American accent…. probably from America too. Weren't the Americans at war with the British for freedom? Huh…..I wonder what he was doing here. Shouldn't he be helping his country win the war?? Gosh I hate people who try skive off a fight…oh well it's not my business, now for that mopped….. oh well……I've got the chocolate and I want to go now. But first…….

"You want to join our play Misour?"

"Yep!" I was now going to try out for a play. The Italian Stallion. Wonderful sounding name don't you think?

"Ok Misour, but first you must try out."

"Merci (and for those that don't speak French, that means thank you) an which way is that?"

The man that was talking to me pointed to a big sign red sign that said 'Try outs'. Man I must have been blind! I entered a fancy looking room with a desk, and the desk had a chair and a person sitting in the chair. The person in the chair looked up.

"Bonjour. Comel ta'pel tu?"

"Ju mapel Bartimaeus."

"Merci." The person behind the desk sitting in the chair that he was sitting in wrote down my name. oh. I forgot. You guys that don't speak French do you? Well here's the translation.

"Hello. What is your name?"

"My names Bartimaeus"

"Thank you." And I'm sure that you know what the rest says unless your blind and cannot see which means that you can't be reading this now and that also means that there would be no reason what so ever to be typing this……….yeah……….. so then I tried out for the play, and of course I made it because I'm the Great Bartimaeus and blah, blah, blah….. You've all heard of me before……and my amazing stories, and heroic deeds and stuff…..if you haven't then look back to Chapter 1. But you've already read that unless you just skipped that and went strait to another chapter and skipped the first one. Well yeah….back to my play……

"Misour, we are very happy to inform you that you have made the second leading role in our production. Of course you know that our play is about an Italian Stallion that wants to become a race horse correct?"

"Of course I know, otherwise I wouldn't have come here!"

"Good. Then here is your costume, and rehearsals begin tomorrow." The dude handed me a brown bag and left. I looked inside, pulled out the costume and it was-

**Me: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha! a cliffie!! Now you all have to wait to find out what Bartie made! Whoot whoot!!!**

**Bartie: you know, people probably don't want to wait anymore since they had to wait forever because you didn't update. **

**Me: Whatever……it'll come out soon!**

**Beezle: sure…….that's what you said last time**

**Me: hey! I had to do Math Team tournaments and that involves waking up and 5:00 am on a Saturday! A SATURDAY!!! And I have school and homework and an adorable little kitty to take care of and 675vbghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh see! My kitty just walked over the keyboard! No kidding! And I have projects to do and ice-skating, church, and tennis lessons to do. I'm a very busy girl you know!**

**Bartie: Excuses….well you better type the next chapter soon. **

**Me: Don't worry I will. As soon as I get my mom to buy me more chocolate. She got made at me for spazzing out and took away my chocolate supply. **

**Bartie:_ groan_ well review**

**Beezle: Review!**

**Me: Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeew!**


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